So the story goes that one was admitted to
Tropicana Medical Center with the excuse that not only was he experiencing slow death by massive massive sneeze waves, but was told after numerous visits to the doc, that his nose bone was indeed mutating into something that was blocking his breathing passageway and causing internal inflammations to occur.
So howdydoo what better way to tackle the problem at hand but to admit one's self to a quickie simple basic surgery that would change one’s nasally problems for good right?
WRONG.
Little did one know the magnitude of mayhem one was getting one's self into.
Here are some recollections....
my cozy accommodation for the night.
my 5-star bed controller
My golden 2-day pass around the hospital grounds
blood stains on the curtains.
makes one wonder what gruesome stories these stains could tell...
A couple of noteworthy mayhems to remind one's self:
1 – Anesthesia does NOT make you feel high. It makes you feel like crap.
I woke up with a splitting head + neck ache. My insides wanted to be outside. But the experience of post anesthesia really does feel like you’re fading in and out of a dream state. You hear the muffled voices. You zone in and out of the ceiling hospital lights in your face. And soon as you know it you’re back at your nice hospital bed with an excruciatingly bad ass nose sting.
It was weird. I dun even remember KO-ing. A moment the doc was explaining the process of it whilst pumping in the oddly cold meds into my veins and covering my airholes with a mask. And then the next i remember dreamland. literally. i was dreaming (or not?) while doc was operating me on the table.
2 – Always ALWAYS bring extra reading material if u are admitted.
I brought magazines and finished them by midnight. Which left me another 12 hours before the next doc checkup. Time passed soooooo slowly I was waking up from my sleep every 2 hours hoping it was at least 6am which only brought forth disappointment when I came to realize it was 2. I was tormented in boredom.
3 – Hospital patient uniforms are NOT sexy
You can never feel enough awkwardness whenever a stranger in uniform tells you to “wear this” and “underwear also take off, ok?” followed by a polite smile. Especially when it's said in a room full of fully clothed people.
The Operation Uniform had a 1 piece skirt slit so high cheongsams would look at it and detest in freakout-conservative-mum-manner going “Oh no young lady!!! if YOU think you’re wearing THAT to the party you must be joking!”
Not sexy yo.
Not even close.
Plus I felt naked.
see or not?
4 – Paying the hospital bills before u head home sucks if you have NEVER paid such a astronomic amount before in your entire petty poor life.
You see, my bff’s - stupidity and ignorance - told me my debit card would be able to cover the whopping 10k bill (YES. Muthafuthafriggin 10K!) at one swipe, but 4 rejected swipes and 2 fruitless calls to Maybank Customer care later, I knew I had to think of other means to settle the payment.
So I had to put on my boyish charm, flash my milliondolla smile, and request the direction of the nearest ATM.
Turns out. It was at the gas station opposite the road. Fine.
I tell them to hold on to my bags.
I stand up in upmost pride. Walk out the door. Cross the road. Get to the station. Withdraw my novel-thick cash. Walk back in. Hand the cash to the counter. Only to realize I had miscalculated the amount and was doomed to repeat the entire process of walking out and risking my life crossing the 马路入虎口road. A-friggin-gain.
I know right? FML.
Post-surgery nose was bleeding and oozing mucus blood the whole time.
ANYWAY.........
Was a good experience.
1st time being admitted and 1st time going under the knife.
Till this day I wasn’t sure if the jittery butterflies in my stomach during the wait in the Pre-Op room was of fear or fascination.
It’s exactly how it is in the movies. You get carted into the rooms. All you see are the florescent ceiling lights flashing across your sight like names going up on a credit page after the show ends.
I could not taste / smell anything after the surgery. So every single meal that appeared before me just felt like chunks of tasteless things I had to devour to end the hunger. OH WHICH REMINDS ME: another noteworthy point!.........
5 - Always sneak in extra sachets of FOOD when you’re admitted.
As if boredom wasn’t bad enough, my humanly desires to feed were at full swing and making a wracket the WHOLE in-between-meal time. I could’ve sworn my tummygrowls scared the shit out of the kids at the pediatric ward next door.
the slender ergonomic presentation sure works up an appetite, doesnt it?
checkout my macho hand tubes (and unknowing random patient's leg in backdrop)
hospital food revealed
The visitors and their awwww-poor-thing faces.
I was telling them to flash me their best kelian expression but somehow
Papa CANNOT STOP smilling...... I’m glad my agony brings you joy, papa.
Really.
-__________-
Ok honestly. This pic is kinda freaky.
this is my makeover look. Very Gaga-inspired i must say.
And so i return home with my MC in hand and my optimism in mind that after all this pain and moping and bone-sawing that i will walk out of this a changed nasal. That i will no longer have the desperate need to spread my explosive projection of bodily discharges as often as i used to. That my heart can rest assured that my noisy breathing pipes no longer make others suffer above my suffering.
my boxes of medication and Tropicana Med Center souvenirs.
and of course....
my battle trophy.
(rooaarrrrr. Shiver in fear of my terrifying nose bone cutlets
in light hospital sauce and sunshine bottle lid.)
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